end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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