Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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