And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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