mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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