i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I deserve this hangover.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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