So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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