My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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