I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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