So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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