Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize