i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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