When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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