a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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