Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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