I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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