I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just tell him i said nine months
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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