Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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