There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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