I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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