i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
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He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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