Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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