your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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