No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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