My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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