Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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