My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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