no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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