I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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