True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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