You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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