There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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