i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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