Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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