I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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