i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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