I CAN MOONWALK!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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