Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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