I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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