I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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