I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize