my phone needs a breathalizer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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