In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm really busy with my period
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