So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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