worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
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I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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