ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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