btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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