you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize