Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a search helicopter?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize