Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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