"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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